I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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