Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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