I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
