im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
