clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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