She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
