I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
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I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
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For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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