now i know why i became what i already was.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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