I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
