pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
