Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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