So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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