With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
