Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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