i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Church boner. Awkwardddd
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
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