I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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