I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
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while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
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So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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