I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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