I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
