I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
