remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
two words: eviction party
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
