Soap is not a condiment
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
