Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
