The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
