His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
