none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
