We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
