if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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