This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
