I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
