I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
