Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
