when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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