She is in my trunk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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