Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize