i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
