That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
