I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
