fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
