omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
