Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
