What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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