your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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