I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
