he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
