that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
