Jerry, you need to find god
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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