Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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