did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Randomize
