he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
sex in a hospital.. check
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
