how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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