oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
