You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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