she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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