God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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