i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
