my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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