Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
