do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
