If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
