If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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