piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I need help removing her.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
