Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
