If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
