just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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