He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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