Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
