she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
