mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
