Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
