there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
