I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize