Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
