Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
