Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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