I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
