Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
