Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
