so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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