Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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