If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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