My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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