You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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