it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
