Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
