She is in my trunk
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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