I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
